An Extremely Sensitive Soul

 

It is so easy to let life overwhelm you. I don’t have a lot in my life to stress, upset or even anger me. I certainly haven’t been through hugely traumatic events or disasters that would warrant an overly anxious reaction. Lord willing, this will continue.  Yet, somehow I feel totally overwhelmed sometimes. Stressed beyond belief. Worried about EVERYTHING. Life. Kids. Husband. Pets. Work. Spiritual Growth. Witness. Homeschooling. Finances. Terrorism. Politics. Family. Extended Family. Friends. Weather, yes WEATHER…

I feel like crawling into bed, turning Netflix on and watching Gilmore Girls, ALL DAY…

Then I feel guilty for even thinking that.

I feel – like I achieve NOTHING.

I struggle and feel guilty – for being a stay at home Mom…when I am.

I struggle and feel guilty – for working part time… when I do.

I feel guilty – for going to the gym TWICE a week and not being with the kids for 3 hours.

I feel guilty – for NOT going to the gym MORE.

I worry and I am guilty – for not being the wife and mother that I wanted to be when I was 11 years old.

I worry about and fear – sickness and worse…

I worry about and fear – the tragedies that are going on around the world.

All of these things creep up on me, build up… weigh my heart down.

I need to PRAY more.  Read my Bible more. Build up mine and my family’s relationship with Jesus.  Ask Him to carry the burden.

I need to DO more.  Play more with my kids.  Laugh more with my family.  Share more with my friends.  Help whoever I am able, whenever I am able.

I need to COPE better.  I LET things overwhelm me.  I ALLOW thoughts to enter my head and then dwell on them. This needs to STOP.

I read articles in the paper, on social media, here in the blogging world and I cry… I need to be aware of what’s going on in the world – but somehow in a way that doesn’t hurt ME… like it does.  It needs to produce a different reaction in me.

I need to be aware that God has created me to be an extremely sensitive soul.   This means I feel strongly.  Joy. Love. Fear. Sadness. Hope. Despair.  They stay with me.  They encompass me.

This is not always a bad thing, even though that’s how I have portrayed it so far…

Meeting my husband, our blossoming relationship and eventually marriage has brought me pure JOY.  He is my rock and I am so grateful that God brought me “the boy next door.”

Our children have made me understand LOVE.  I am fairly certain that the first time I saw both my son and my daughter that my already full heart “grew three sizes that day.”  Who knew it could?!  They are my world.

I feel so honored to have the life, the family, the friends and the faith that God has blessed me with.

I hope that in posting this I am not stressing you more, but allowing you (and myself) to see HOPE.  Anxiety is most likely in your life, in one form or another.  You may feel, like I do, that it doesn’t seem warranted in your life, and not understand it fully.  Or you may be experiencing anxiety on a totally different level that I won’t pretend to even begin to understand.  Whatever the case, healing begins with talking and sharing.  We can’t hold everything in forever.  It builds. It festers. It’s not good.

Let your burdens go…

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28

“Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”  Psalm 31:24

“Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  2 Corinthians 1:4